https://marissakstubbs.com/blog daily 0.75 2026-03-31 https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/the-cost-of-holding-on monthly 0.5 2026-03-31 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/be288cd1-d4fe-4578-9d94-dc6e51f7030f/pexels-allan-mas-5383501+%281%29.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out Most distress doesn’t come from change itself. It comes from the moment we realize something needs to shift - and we resist it anyway. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/e8e81b28-613d-4cab-8da0-9130ff36688b/pexels-allan-mas-5384016.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out A plan falls apart. A conversation takes a turn. Energy drops. Life asks for an adjustment. Instead of pivoting, we push harder to make things go back to how they were “supposed” to be. The result is often frustration, anxiety, or a sharp turn inward toward self-criticism. Many people describe this as feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or emotionally flooded, not because the situation is unmanageable, but because letting go of the original plan feels intolerable. This is where cognitive rigidity tends to show up. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/f80f72c5-d45e-4aa4-b328-23903ce3d5d4/pexels-allan-mas-5384168.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out When we cling to one outcome or way of doing things, even small disruptions can feel threatening. The nervous system remains on high alert, and emotional recovery becomes harder. Over time, this rigidity can contribute to chronic stress, burnout, relationship strain, and a persistent sense of failure - especially in lives that require frequent adaptation. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/fbabf69d-d52b-4c33-8467-7f0cb5378461/pexels-allan-mas-5384160.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out Instead, it reflects psychological maturity and nervous system regulation. Flexible thinking makes room for disappointment and adaptation, effort and adjustment. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/97a45861-6689-4b8d-8777-2210e8395ec2/pexels-allan-mas-5383521.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out This is why cognitive flexibility tends to decrease during periods of fatigue, burnout, or emotional overload. The system defaults to rigidity not because it’s helpful, but because it feels protective. As regulation improves, flexibility often follows. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/4929c555-fff0-4973-a41f-6784f8414e06/pexels-allan-mas-5383564.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out The first tool is emotional naming before action. When a pivot is required, many people move straight into problem-solving or self-criticism. Flexibility is difficult when emotions are unacknowledged. Pausing to name what’s present - frustration, disappointment, anxiety, grief - helps regulate the nervous system enough to allow choice. Regulation comes before reorientation. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/18d42baf-3869-4baf-b603-e4b0d65f20ee/pexels-allan-mas-5384290.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out The second tool is shifting from rule-based thinking to values-based thinking. Cognitive rigidity often relies on internal rules: I should stick to the plan. Changing course means I failed. These rules narrow options and increase distress. Values-based thinking widens the lens by asking, “What matters most right now?” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/95703171-d645-4f17-b7dc-47f411bded7f/pexels-allan-mas-5383536.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out The third tool is practicing flexibility in low-stakes moments. Cognitive flexibility strengthens through exposure, not insight alone. Small adjustments -changing the order of a routine, letting timing shift, choosing a different approach - teach the nervous system that change can be tolerated without harm. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/3212a451-4d15-4099-b7c7-befb42ca657f/pexels-allan-mas-5383730.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out Across all three tools, language matters. Harsh self-talk reinforces rigidity. Neutral or compassionate language - ‘This changed, and I adjusted’ - reinforces adaptability. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/3459ce50-9c06-4f6c-a8dc-b3ef424403d7/pexels-allan-mas-5383549.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out As you sit with this, it may be worth noticing: • When plans change, what shows up first - urgency, frustration, self-criticism, or shutdown? • Are there areas of your life where resistance to change is creating more distress than the change itself would? • Do you tend to default to rules about what should happen, or values about what matters most right now? You don’t need perfect answers. Noticing patterns is often the first sign of flexibility emerging. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/d5ecb172-1dbf-4773-9d06-67554c41527c/pexels-allan-mas-5384169.jpg Blog - The Cost of Holding On - Make it stand out Downloadable Resource If you’d like a practical way to check in with yourself during moments of stress or resistance, I’ve created a brief Rigid vs. Regulated checklist you can download and return to as needed. [Download the checklist] https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/stop-labeling-every-feeling-as-bad-heres-why monthly 0.5 2025-10-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/3a389743-dce1-49c9-b2ae-ed9a3e46f7e5/pexels-rdne-7187821.jpg Blog - Stop Labeling Every Feeling as “Bad” — Here’s Why - Make it stand out Culturally, many of us are also taught that we should avoid struggle and strive for constant happiness. This can make normal emotions, like fear before a big presentation or frustration while learning something new, feel like personal failings rather than natural experiences. The key is not to avoid discomfort altogether, but to discern whether it signals harm or growth. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/4878032e-20bf-449e-9f6e-7b91da65727c/pexels-rdne-7187813.jpg Blog - Stop Labeling Every Feeling as “Bad” — Here’s Why - Make it stand out By ordering experiences from everyday stressors to more significant challenges, it becomes clearer how discomfort can exist on a spectrum, and why context matters. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/9562b054-f58e-4252-9067-8559b52c9324/pexels-rdne-7187873.jpg Blog - Stop Labeling Every Feeling as “Bad” — Here’s Why - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/ce0559af-ee93-40c0-9b24-eb031ad4743b/pexels-rdne-7188092.jpg Blog - Stop Labeling Every Feeling as “Bad” — Here’s Why - Make it stand out Each time you face healthy discomfort, you expand your capacity for growth and begin to rewire your brain to see these experiences as normal parts of life rather than threats. Remember: stress, fear, and frustration don’t always mean something is wrong - they can mean you’re in the process of adapting and growing. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/4b9b05fd-ca66-4a0d-a337-4b8c9c41a271/pexels-rdne-7187824.jpg Blog - Stop Labeling Every Feeling as “Bad” — Here’s Why - Make it stand out If we always aim to avoid discomfort, we risk missing out on growth, new opportunities, and deeper connections. Learning to tolerate healthy discomfort allows us to step into the spaces where real change happens. https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/the-hidden-weight-of-shame monthly 0.5 2025-10-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/3cbe9df5-d668-4a34-97b1-de0527557121/david-underland-iG8FdcZ476o-unsplash.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight of Shame - Make it stand out Think about those moments when you’ve replayed something you said in a meeting, or felt embarrassed for showing emotion, or apologized just for taking up space. These everyday experiences are often shame at work. Recognizing it is the first step toward loosening its grip. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/55f06a53-ff4f-4784-b24c-52da445c5246/jeferson-gomes-9VDhPG2M0uk-unsplash.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight of Shame - Make it stand out Before we explore where shame comes from, it helps to understand how it usually shows up. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/0b72cbe8-bb56-4e33-b099-140af3325c03/piron-guillaume-y60Pux2HYk4-unsplash.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight of Shame - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/5919a076-1332-40e6-9ccb-8ee16a87b8ad/storyzangu-hub-0hnvx2tbpEo-unsplash.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight of Shame - Make it stand out Before we can loosen shame’s grip, we need practical ways to work with it. These tools are designed to help you notice it, question it, and respond with compassion. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/1d79936c-3d04-4665-9060-545e5fc47963/pexels-shvetsa-6899168.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight of Shame - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/0b962779-5923-48af-9cfb-a3b19badb721/jabo-elysee-qV6BN07JWkU-unsplash.jpg Blog - The Hidden Weight of Shame - Make it stand out Challenging shame doesn’t mean it disappears overnight. But with practice, you can learn to recognize it for what it is: an old survival strategy that no longer serves you. By naming, questioning, and responding with compassion, you create space to show up as your truest self. This week, try one of these tools and notice what shifts for you. And if you want to take the next step, connect with a therapist or explore resources that support your journey toward self-acceptance. https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/emotional-budgeting-spend-wisely-live-fully monthly 0.5 2025-09-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/965f3ac6-9fb6-4c5b-8c1f-6b65db8965ae/pexels-shvets-production-7203958.jpg Blog - Emotional Budgeting: Spend Wisely, Live Fully - Make it stand out That’s where emotional budgeting comes in. It’s about managing your emotional energy with the same intention you’d use to manage your finances — so you can spend it on what truly matters, and live in a way that feels sustainable. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/cf2d2d59-0402-4482-885b-3127fe081d8e/pexels-joslyn-pickens-2185980-3833052.jpg Blog - Emotional Budgeting: Spend Wisely, Live Fully - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/307552dc-a080-486e-bb6c-fc5862e46938/pexels-cottonbro-4553280.jpg Blog - Emotional Budgeting: Spend Wisely, Live Fully - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/5f1fff22-a748-4853-a4c1-b919484b6f7a/pexels-cottonbro-4553183.jpg Blog - Emotional Budgeting: Spend Wisely, Live Fully - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/8ef18045-9dd2-474a-8d80-c2ed96dc004d/pexels-cottonbro-4569369.jpg Blog - Emotional Budgeting: Spend Wisely, Live Fully - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/c10d2b47-740e-4e19-9c9d-258623fa6e42/pexels-cottonbro-4553272.jpg Blog - Emotional Budgeting: Spend Wisely, Live Fully - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/am-i-showing-up-authentically-or-performing monthly 0.5 2025-09-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/38cdc358-f8bc-40f7-adc2-f51cb63c7e58/pexels-rdne-7516479.jpg Blog - Am I Showing Up Authentically or Performing? - Make it stand out This checklist was inspired by the reflection “How People Pleasing Breeds Resentment”. Use it to gently check in with your patterns—without judgment. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/4b40c535-adc1-47d9-b0bf-867c7c784f93/pexels-rdne-7516523.jpg Blog - Am I Showing Up Authentically or Performing? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/da085114-07c6-4c22-b74d-f37bec673f3d/pexels-rdne-7516481+%281%29.jpg Blog - Am I Showing Up Authentically or Performing? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/what-productivity-culture-doesnt-teach-us-about-worth monthly 0.5 2025-06-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/abc4a101-d2f7-4133-ad82-9d85922a7fae/pexels-mart-production-7256302.jpg Blog - What Productivity Culture Doesn’t Teach Us About Worth - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/e55667ed-0fdc-4638-962e-de041b5fefda/pexels-thirdman-7984773.jpg Blog - What Productivity Culture Doesn’t Teach Us About Worth - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/6ga8ue7vd5gmifmcxtsjpjw3p5bq23 monthly 0.5 2025-06-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/6aeac64a-f4b4-4ec6-861f-9472aa342088/pexels-mikhail-nilov-6932014.jpg Blog - 5 Strategies to Build Emotional Awareness - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/5e985f15-252f-4a09-80a7-4bbba24cd94b/pexels-mikhail-nilov-6932075.jpg Blog - 5 Strategies to Build Emotional Awareness - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/302b0101-362d-446d-a06f-2e22599c903e/pexels-salomonjr10-3881965.jpg Blog - 5 Strategies to Build Emotional Awareness - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/22f0ccf4-9ff8-4f80-894f-6d31e7d93ff1/Feelings+Refrence+Chart.png Blog - 5 Strategies to Build Emotional Awareness - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/017db125-b757-4510-91e7-ebf4cab698d1/Feelings+To+Needs+Chart.png Blog - 5 Strategies to Build Emotional Awareness - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/30-lessons-ive-learned-by-30 monthly 0.5 2024-01-29 https://marissakstubbs.com/blog/the-clarity-of-self-awareness monthly 0.5 2023-10-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/64661be5cc28686d2693207b/f3360ae0-20ff-45e3-9119-932c4dc4763a/black+woman+art+therapy Blog - The Clarity of Self-Awareness - 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