Am I Showing Up Authentically or Performing?

A Gentle Check-In

It can be hard to tell when you’re showing up as your full self, or slipping into the version of you others expect.

In Caribbean communities, where togetherness and care are deeply embedded in our values, many of us learned to show up no matter what—to be helpful, agreeable, emotionally available. But sometimes, what we call love or loyalty is really performance. And over time, that performance can cost us connection with ourselves.

This checklist was inspired by the reflection “How People Pleasing Breeds Resentment”.
Use it to gently check in with your patterns—without judgment.

Signs You’re Showing Up Authentically:

You feel grounded before responding—not just reactive

• You say yes because you want to, not because you’re afraid to disappoint

• You’re aware of your capacity—and you honor it

• You can express needs without guilt

• Your presence feels like an extension of your truth, not your obligation

• You don’t feel the need to earn closeness or belonging

Signs You May Be Performing:

You agree before checking in with yourself

• You notice resentment creeping in afterward

• You shape-shift depending on who’s in the room

• You feel pressure to hold it all together—even when you’re struggling

• You’re emotionally exhausted after interactions

• You equate saying no with being difficult or distant

A Reflection Prompt:

“If I didn’t feel responsible for anyone’s comfort, what would I do or say differently today?”

Checking in isn’t about doing things perfectly. It’s about noticing when you’ve left yourself behind—and making a gentle return.